Episode notes

In this episode, we dive into the power of relationships—how the right mentors and friendships can shape our character and help us grow in ways we could never have expected. God puts us in each other’s lives for a reason, and the moment we accept each other’s help and guidance is the moment we find true victory and transformation.

If you’re ready to shift your perspective and embrace growth, watch this episode about how spiritual life skills can change our lives, and check out our “The Best Life” series.

Scripture notes

Don’t run from tests and hardships, brothers and sisters. As difficult as they are, you will ultimately find joy in them; if you embrace them, your faith will blossom under pressure and teach you true patience as you endure. And true patience brought on by endurance will equip you to complete the long journey and cross the finish line-mature, complete, and wanting nothing.

James 1:2-4 Voice

Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God.”

Mark 10:27 NLT

Transcript

Russ Ewell

Today we’re going to talk about how the spiritual life skills change our lives.

For most of us, we reach a point in our life where we have a goal, we have a dream, and we want to be able to make that dream come true. And today I’m going to talk with Christian and Michelle Giron, as well as Mike Query, about how spiritual life skills can change our lives. And I think one of the ways it can change our lives overall is it can help us make dreams come true. It can help us reach goals. And so we’re going to jump into that before we do. Let me read this scripture, because it’s a great scripture to set us up. James 1 verses 2 through 4 in the voice translation. 

Don’t run from tests and hardships brothers and sisters. As difficult as they are, you will ultimately find joy in them. If you embrace them, your faith will blossom under pressure and teach you true patience as you endure.

How do spiritual life skills change our lives? Christian and Michelle, why don’t you help us out with that and give us an idea? How do those spiritual life skills change our lives?

Christian Giron

I think one of the biggest ways my life was changed was scripture Mark 10:27 is what really helps me, it says, 

Jesus looked at them intently and said, humanly speaking, it is not impossible, but not with God. Everything is possible with God. 

It’s my favorite scripture and I think the life skills, mainly, a big one really taught me is how to not quit, because I think for myself and my character, until I am, I’m naturally.

What’s the easiest way I want to quit? When I played basketball, I played all four years in high school, junior year, we get there. You know, I was supposed to play a lot more. Like I was there, I was playing varsity my sophomore year. And then the next year, the coach is like you and my neighbor. He was one of the best players. He was like, you guys are to be run the show. And I was like, all right, sounds good. And then, you know, I played good in the summer. First 10 games, I like played like a few minutes. And I remember being like, what the heck? And was like, you know, this love basketball is like love of my life, you know, at the time. And I was like, you know, I quit. I don’t want to do this anymore. I remember turning in my jersey. I lied to the coach and said I was going to work on school. But that was not the reason. So I quit because that’s who I am. So I think the life skills helped me to taught me how to not give up because without God, without the life skills that I’ve been trained with, whether through friends, family, mentors, God. That’s what I usually tend to do is to quit. So I think when I read that scripture in Mark 10, it helps me remember, man, nothing’s impossible with God. I don’t have to quit. There’s always a way out. There’s always a vision. There’s always another avenue I can choose rather than just throwing my hands up and being like, you know what? I don’t want to do this anymore. Michelle’s actually helped me a lot in that. She’s very resilient. So there’s times where I want to stop and I’m like looking at her, I’m like okay, she’s got no stop in her, you have to make her stop. So I think whether it’s the scriptures or friendships, I think one of the life skills that’s really helped me is to persevere and to not quit.

Russ Ewell

So the lessons you learned from basketball, how did that help you as your life went forward?

Christian Giron 

You know, school didn’t come easy to me, I think. So I went to junior college. That was mainly, well, mainly a money thing also I just, okay, let me figure out what I want to do. So when I got to school, I think I did study kinesiology at St. Mary’s and you know, I was a lot of, it was like all science classes. So I’m, I know a lot of classes are hard, but I was like, for me, I was like, man, there’s a lot going on in here. And so the different, different times I was like, I don’t know what we’re doing. I was like, how do you remember all this? So the times where I wanted to quit, the times where I like, I can’t do school. I should change my major. I should figure something else out. The life skills helped me to see what the end goal was and who God wanted me to become and how I can use the different talents I had to help other people. so it helped me to not give up and it helped me to pursue education, to finish, to not quit. That’s a life skill learned in all relationships as well.

Russ Ewell 

So would you say that…You described it as a failure, I’m not sure it was. You described the basketball quitting as a failure, but could that have been a turning point in your life where giving up something you really loved left enough pain that it made you remember that it would have been better to finish than to live with that pain of quitting. And as a result, you now have graduated from a really great university, St. Mary’s. I don’t know about that basketball program. 

I don’t know. I don’t know. 

Christian Giron 

Top 20. 

Russ Ewell

I said that to annoy you.

Christian Girons

I know you did.

Russ Ewell 

but they’ve got a great basketball program. It’s a great school. A lot of people on the East Coast Midwest may not know about it, but it’s on par with schools like if you’re a Midwestern or Oberlin and Brandeis and East Coast. It’s got a great sports program. It’s in an awesome space, but you graduated from there and then you’re working in multiple roles and really great jobs helping people both helping younger people both in their basic fundamental life helping, kids with special needs. You’re also helping develop leaders, people that are leaders in the community, whether it’s in programs that help kids that experience inclusion or help kids become leaders in the community at large. So it seems to me that the lesson you learn from that moment of pain and disappointment with basketball and quitting that forged your character in you to say it’s worse to quit than it is to endure the pain to finish. Would that be accurate?

Christian Giron 

Yeah, definitely. Because, I mean, honestly, I didn’t really think about it that fully until you just said it. Because I always saw it as a failure. I’m like, I quit. Until now, I’ve looked back at it and was like, oh, that’s a moment I wish I could go back and change. But when you talk about the pain of it, was like, even now, there’s moments, I mean, every week, maybe every day, while I’ve thought of quitting. But I think what helps me keep going, like what you said, is knowing that.

The regret, I think the regret stings, you know? The regret is like, I wish I could go back and do something different. So that was a big moment to actually to look at, like, okay, I can… it’s much better to persevere. Hebrews 12 is a scripture that comes to mind that I read all the time before training of any sorts, you know? Okay, it feels painful right now, but where’s God trying to help me get to? So yeah.

Russ Ewell 

Well, I think that a lot of people process things as failure or success, I know I do. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that some things are stepping stones to get where you need to be. And someone could argue, well, it would have been better for you to finish playing basketball. Well, I don’t know that. I don’t know. You could have finished playing basketball and thought you were going to be a pro and gone and try to play basketball in college and ended up not becoming a pro and quitting college and never graduating. there’s a path you could have taken.

Christian Giron 

Yeah, yeah, it’s true.

Russ Ewell

And that’s why I think it’s important. I’m gonna look something up real quick, because I think you’ll find this, I hope I can find it, I think you’ll find this fascinating. There’s a book by Daniel H. Pink, he’s a great thinker in society called The Power of Regret, How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward.

And to me, what you’re talking about is not a negative regret, though you view it that way. It’s a positive regret. I think that’s something that your life exemplifies and that if you can, you’re communicating that to people that are listening. think there are lot of people out there that feel like, if I had have done that or if I hadn’t have done this. And I think the world is punishing on failure because the world has a wrong view of failure and the world has a wrong view of regret because the world doesn’t see growth the way God sees growth. In the world, we see things as success or failure, as forward or backward. We don’t see it as growth. And one of the interesting things, and I’ve talked about this before, with Eastern thinking versus Western thinking, and this is true to a degree of Native American thinking, it’s one of the unfortunate things about what happened in Native American culture, is they don’t think linear. And many of them, I don’t have the proper language, I’m not an expert in those areas, I just read a lot about it, they think more circular. So if you think circular, your life is moving around in growth. And so there’s not something that said, Western people think point A, point B, point C, and that’s not necessarily how everybody thinks. And I think it’s a really important thing for people that are young to grasp that failure is part of success. And I know Michelle, you probably know a lot about that, having worked with lot of students, as well as obviously you have your own experiences about how negative emphasizing failure can be, to being a, for people being able to grow in their life going forward. And sometimes even as Christians, we’re so focused on our sin and our failure, which I’m not afraid to talk about sin. And I think it’s important to deal with it, but we have to see it as a launching pad, you know, instead of a graveyard. Those are not necessarily an awesome analogy, but it, think a lot of times we just bury ourselves in our, in our guilt and our failure instead of saying, wait a minute, that’s just the foundation for me to go off and do great things. And that’s what I see with you. mean, the way you talk Christian people might not have realized, man, you’ve given to an awesome university and even the way you did it step by step you and that’s part of learning how to grow. Go to a junior college now here in California. Junior colleges are profoundly good and great institutions. One of my favorites is Foothill. I didn’t go there but I used to go there to work out but you know but when I was there I was amazed at the way that they develop students and so part of what you’re telling kids out there maybe who don’t think they can go to college don’t think they can graduate from college don’t think they can get past their failures is no no no you’re wrong you just have to break it down into small steps.

Michelle, let me get let you get in here and then I think Mike might have a question after you get done talking.

Michelle Giron

Yeah, so actually similarly, well, I wasn’t even planning to go to community college and ended up getting help from friends, getting a diagnosis, getting set up with services at school, did community college, transferred. So there were building steps there. Actually, I was a mentor at the time for teens. And I think having what you’re describing, I definitely have the failure mindset, the fear of failure. I’m very fearful person. But I think having a learner’s heart, because I would go with the spiritual or life skills of being willing to learn from God and learn from others. I was a mentor at the time and I learned from my teen who was a phenomenal writer and she does writing now. And she helped me. I’m in college mentoring her and she helped me. This is how you write an essay because I was starting from scratch.

And so, and I grew in my writing community college and then I get to St. Mary’s, I transferred to St. Mary’s and my first paper I turned in was, I got it back and the teacher wrote on it, didn’t even give me a grade, just said this was a slap in the face to the theorist, I had to rewrite it. And in that moment I was like, okay, here’s the next stepping stone. Like it’s time to level up. And then I went to the, they had a writing center at St. Mary’s. So then I was in there and to continue to grow with my writing. And I remember going and picking up my cap and gown and I just like cried. Cause I just knew in that moment, I was like, this is only God and all the help I got along the way. 

And then got more encouragement and went back to get my master’s degree there. And I got so much support along the way though with just Christian shared about it, but the scheduling, editing my papers, how to balance. I was commuting and working and trying to figure out, know, I had also had to be working at a school to fulfill my hours. So there was a lot going on, but I look at the training I got then and I do see, we talked about this last time, but how they build on each other where now I’m in a new stage, but God, I can use some of those skills that I had back then, even using them now. But yeah, I see the humility and the learning is like probably one of the biggest things, I think probably regardless of what stage you’re in, it’s just being like, I need help. And everyone has different strengths and weaknesses that we can learn from one another. So, yeah.

Russ Ewell 

Absolutely. Mike, you have question?

Mike Query 

Yeah, I was just wondering, because you, so you guys have a daughter and she’s, how old is she? I have another question after that, but how old is she right now? 

Christian Giron 

Almost a year and a half. It’s a weird to say.

Mike Query

Almost a year and a half. Yeah, she’s she’s she’s she like lights up the room. I saw her the other day. She’s like super sweet. But no, was, you know, I have a seven year old and I feel like I can.

You were just talking about, you guys were talking about the regret and the quitting. How do I overcome adversity and stuff? And I feel like I just face like every day some level of insecurity. Like, did I do that wrong? Especially when she’s really little. Like, me and my wife were getting fights. do we feed the wrong thing? You know, like, why would you give that? You know, all that. So I’m wondering, if you can, like, like how have you guys maybe connected some of these lessons you’ve learned from these big moments in your life about how God’s trying to develop these skills and you help you not quit and persevere. Just like day to day stuff. Doesn’t have to be just parenting. But that’s sort of my life point and your life point I mean it could be a lot of things but like how are you kind of applying those lessons? Just in day-to-day stuff with each other or just you know as you go to like sort of persevere not quit and then what does it look like when It’s very obvious that you need help and how is it you know, maybe it affects you guys relationship I don’t know my wife and I it affects our relationship when I’m not dealing with these things, you know, so anyway, I don’t know if that’s clear enough, but Can I speak to that a little bit?

Michelle Giron 

Definitely. Yeah. No, I was laughing because I was like, mom guilt. I feel like that is huge all the time. Too much screen time, too much this. then, you know, I mean, online, they tell you everything. You can’t win. It’s like one thing, you know, when you’re comparing online. But I don’t know. I do think even recently we’ve been getting a lot of help of just how to parent, how to do life. So. Again, I think going back to the being willing to have to learn. Because I think when we end up, stun our growth when we don’t have the mind. mean, Russ talked about the growth mindset of I’m going to continue to learn. I don’t know if that answers your question, but.

Mike Query 

Yeah, yeah, I think so. I mean, I can definitely feel like I have to have figured it out. And if I haven’t, I’ve failed. know, Russ was talking about the failure. So sometimes my mind definitely relate on every one thing online. And it’s like I’ve got like six fail thoughts that just like immediately. So yes, I relate.

Christian Giron 

I think I can answer that one. What was the question? I forgot it.

Mike Query

I’m just, I’m wondering how to connect just your awesome job sharing about these big moments in your life as you’ve come up about like adversity, how you’ve kind of overcome. I’m just wondering like today, just day to day kind of thing when the temptation to quit or feel discouraged about something comes up, how do you, how have you applied those lessons to like persevere and to grow and to not have this, you know, the wrong kind of thinking about how are you applying it today?

Christian Giron

Yeah, I mean I think there’s a lot of different ways. think comes to mind is prayer. I think prayer helps a lot. I was in college, didn’t really know what I was feeling. Could tell you three emotions maybe. Happy, angry, and annoyed. I don’t know, I didn’t think it much. I remember getting, I don’t remember what the situation was, but you Google emotions chart and I’d pull up this little picture and there’s all these little faces. You know, it’s funny, but it helped me, these 20 emotions with faces. And I was like, oh, I didn’t know what I felt. And I looked at it and I was like, well, I feel angry. I feel afraid. And I could be able to pray and verbalize why. I think being honest with God and with friends helps lighten the load a lot because I think there’s a lot going on in my head, a lot going on in my heart. And she’s really great at just talking about it. I’m great at hiding it. Not wanting to talk about it. So I think prayer through talking about just what’s going on in my mind and my heart and being able let that out. They’ll be able to help me to be able to focus on what’s most important. Because otherwise, when I’m just trapped by guilt or regret or whatever it may be, I just get really selfish. And I just think about what I’m doing and what I got to get done.

I don’t really care what you got going on. I got this thing, I still do that now even with having our daughter, Michelle, will like need my help. But then my anxiety can drown her out because I’m like, no, I can’t, I got to do this. And it’s a thing that there’s always something that comes up. And so learning how to prioritize what’s most important to God, God and family first. So I think that helps.

Russ Ewell

One thing we’ve learned today for sure is that spiritual life skills can change our lives and I appreciate Christian and Michelle sharing about their journey because it’s really inspiring and the fact that we don’t have to regret our failures. We don’t have to look at them as a problem. And even with what Mike shared about, kids are resilient. And all of us have parents who they were awesome, mine were awesome, but no parent does everything right. That’s the whole point. Kids have to grow. And so life is about growth. When life doesn’t become about, when life doesn’t remain about growth, it becomes about survival. And when life’s only about survival, it’s pretty miserable. And so it’s important for all of us to seek a relationship with God and allow

God to work on our lives through the victories, through the failures, through the struggles, to have those qualities we’ve talked about, and let Him change our life by giving us the spiritual skills to manage it and even to conquer it. We hope you’ll tune in for our next episode about how do we teach spiritual life skills, and we’re going to talk about how we can help each other grow and how we can find mentors, something that Christian and Michelle have talked about throughout the podcast series here that we’re doing together. And so make sure you pay attention to that. Don’t forget to subscribe. Don’t forget to like. And also, if you have a comment, if something today spurred your thinking, or even in some of the other episodes, go back and make a comment and let us know maybe what you wanted to hear more about, or maybe your own experience, whatever that may be. Thanks for listening and we’ll be able to see you again in our next episode that comes up in the very near future.

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About the show

The Deep Spirituality Podcast is a show about having spiritual conversations. Join our Editor-in-Chief Russ Ewell and guests as they have candid discussions on spiritual topics ranging from faith to anxiety to vulnerability, inspiring you to go deeper in your relationship with God and have challenging and honest conversations of your own.

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