And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28 NIV

In 2014, my wife, Amy, and I were looking for inclusive activities for our neurodivergent son. We volunteered as soccer coaches for E-Sports, where kids of all abilities participate together. We loved the program, but our son’s sensory challenges made soccer difficult.

We were discouraged at first, but we believed that God was working out a greater purpose, as Romans 8 says. 

That’s when we got the idea to expand E-Sports in San Francisco to include a basketball program—something that could serve not only our son but also other families with similar needs and challenges.

We were praying for opportunities to bring this program to life when some of our mutual friends introduced us to Rex Walters, the head coach of the University of San Francisco men’s basketball team at the time. Before we knew it, E-Hoops was off and running at USF.

Ten years later, that single connection has led to partnerships with not only the USF men’s and women’s basketball teams but also the Golden State Warriors, UC Berkeley Football, and the new WNBA Golden State Valkyries. Our son loves it, and so do thousands of other kids, families, and volunteers. Because of E-Hoops, some have found careers, others have found community, and still others have found faith.

E-Hoops didn’t grow because of what we knew. It happened because of who we knew. God was working out his purpose for our family, and he did it through the relationships he brought into our lives. 

The belief that “it’s who you know” is the essence of the skill of networking, or building relationships with all kinds of people to give and receive resources. In the secular world, networking is often limited to self-advancement or career building. But God calls us to think bigger. 

God infuses us with a sense of purpose that is greater than ourselves or our careers. He created each of us to do good (Ephesians 2:10) and to make a difference by changing people’s lives for the better. This purpose changes the way we interact with others, empowering us to approach everyone we meet with courage and genuine care. As a result, God opens doors we might never have expected, and our lives can make an incredible impact on the world around us.

How does purpose change the way we interact with people? 

When we have a sense of purpose, we believe that every interaction happens for a reason. We actively step out of our comfort zones and make the most of each opportunity to talk to, learn from, and serve the people around us. 

He has made everything beautiful and appropriate in its time. He has also planted eternity [a sense of divine purpose] in the human heart [a mysterious longing which nothing under the sun can satisfy, except God]—yet man cannot find out (comprehend, grasp) what God has done (His overall plan) from the beginning to the end.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 AMP

Our greatest purpose is to have a relationship with God and to help other people have a relationship with him too. God arranges every detail of our lives—including the people we come in contact with— to help us discover this purpose (Acts 17:26-27). 

Jesus understood this better than anyone. He lived out his purpose of making God known by building relationships. He didn’t just preach to crowds; he walked with people, ate at their tables, and understood their vocations. He built relationships with the broken, the rejected, and the influential. In fact, his relationship-building skills were so strong that even his critics called him a friend (Luke 7:34-35). 

Jesus never let fear, pride, or assumptions about people hold him back from talking to someone. When we follow Jesus,  he teaches us to build relationships in the same way. We see this in the apostle Paul, who viewed every relationship as an opportunity for God to work powerfully and miraculously: 

Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized—whoever. I didn’t take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ—but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I’ve become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn’t just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!

1 Corinthians 9:19-23 MSG

Paul’s spiritual purpose motivated him to make the most of every opportunity to build relationships. He courageously stepped out of his comfort zone. He humbly viewed himself as a servant rather than promoting his own ego. And he sought to understand people’s experiences rather than making assumptions about them. 

When we see God working out his purposes through our relationships, we will be similarly free from the limitations of pride, fear, and assumptions about people. These are the three biggest obstacles I’ve seen and experienced in building new connections. God empowers us to step out of our comfort zones, engage with new people, and be attentive to the relationships he is calling us to pursue. 

The most significant connections aren’t by chance—they are part of God’s purpose for us. This is why we must never take any connection for granted or pass up an opportunity to be a friend. 

How do I make the most of every opportunity God gives me to connect with others?

The Bible provides clear guidance on how to engage with others, build bridges, and use relationships to impact lives. These verses urge us to grow because our ability to serve, connect, and love is what makes God known to the world.

Pray and prepare for conversations.

Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Colossians 4:5-6 NIV

Relationships don’t just happen. They require wisdom and intentionality. We can get this wisdom from God by praying about conversations before they happen. 

For a while, I struggled with starting conversations. When I met people, I would find myself flat-footed and unsure of what to say. But as I entered into leadership roles and developed the desire to serve people through E-Hoops, I realized I needed to change that.

Prayer has been an instrumental part of that change. God promises to give us wisdom when we ask him (James 1:5), so I started praying for his guidance in these areas before key conversations:

1. Identifying what I want to learn. What needs do I have? What do I admire about this person? What have they accomplished that I could learn from? 
2. Preparing focused questions. What do I want to know about them or their life? 
3. Reflecting on what I can give.  What guidance, advice, or value can I offer to their life?

Practical step: Before meeting someone, pray for guidance on what you can learn from them and how you can offer value in return. Make a list of thoughtful questions you can ask to deepen your conversations, and keep an open heart to what God is trying to reveal through the encounter.

Be a listener and a learner.

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. [4] Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

Philippians 2:3-4 NLT

It’s no secret that networking is often driven by selfish motives, leading us to meet people in hopes that we will impress them or get something from them. 

But this passage tells us to do things differently. 

First, it tells us not to try to impress people. When we try to impress, we will miss out on the opportunity to learn. I am so grateful for the many opportunities God has given me to meet influential leaders who have taught me everything from how to build a LinkedIn presence to how to bounce back from failure. 

God works out his purpose not only through our strengths but also through our willingness to learn.

Second, it tells us to take an interest in others. This means listening to them and understanding their needs. By taking an interest in those around us, we demonstrate genuine care and empathy, which is essential for building strong relationships. We will also see ways we can help meet these needs.

Practical step: When talking to someone, focus on listening and learning. Resist the urge to think about what you’ll say next. Instead, reflect on their words, ask follow-up questions, and take a genuine interest in learning from them and about them. 

Look for ways to serve.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Matthew 5:16 ESV

Our actions are a reflection of God’s love and goodness. As we serve others, we not only help meet their needs but also make God known in a personal and powerful way. This leaves a lasting impact and leads to potential connections—whether social, professional, or spiritual—in the future.

Practical step: Look for opportunities to volunteer to serve people around you. Whether through mentorship, sharing resources, or offering words of encouragement, let your connections be a way for others to see God’s love at work. Be intentional in using these moments to make him known, always seeking to impact lives for his glory.

Make love the motive.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. [35] By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

John 13:34-35 NIV

At the heart of every connection should be love—the same love Jesus showed everyone he encountered. This kind of love is sacrificial, personal, and life-changing. Relationship-building skills may open doors, but love is what keeps relationships real and meaningful. Love turns acquaintances into friends, and friends into people who might want to know God.

Practical step:  When you meet someone new, don’t just think about what you’ll say or how you’ll come across. Instead, ask yourself, “How can I serve and love this person the way Jesus has loved me? What need in their life can I help meet?”  

Know your talents.

God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.

1 Peter 4:10 NLT

Our talents are the things God has uniquely gifted us with—the things that energize us and allow us to make a positive difference in others’ lives. Talents are not just skills we’ve developed; they are God’s purpose woven into our gifts, created for a specific reason.

But knowing our talents is not enough. We have to ask ourselves what God is calling us to do with them. God never gives gifts for us to hide or waste. They are entrusted to us to serve, to build, to inspire, and to point people toward him. 

The question isn’t whether we have talents—we do. The question is whether we are using these talents to serve God and other people.

Practical step: Take time this week to identify one talent or skill God has given you. Find one way to use it to help someone. It could be as simple as offering encouragement, helping a friend with a task, or using your skills to support a community need.  

Questions for reflection

1. Do you believe that no one in your life is there by accident? Do you believe that God is working out his purposes through every interaction you have? Why or why not? 
2. What roadblocks stop you from building these relationships?
3. What is one way you can make the most of an opportunity to connect today?

Get started on your journey

Try these other resources to learn more about how to grow in your networking, relationship-building, and social skills:

• The Friendship Factor by Alan Loy McGinnis
• Everyone Communicates, Few Connect by John C. Maxwell
• “Easy Networking Tips for the Networking Haters” by Amantha Imber, Harvard Business Review
• “How to Be Confident When Meeting New People” by Liam Carnahan