About the video

In this conversation, you’ll hear how a family navigated love, parenting, and special needs with resilience and courage. You’ll also learn how being built different is exactly what makes life meaningful. Watch now and discover how you too can live with faith that overcomes.

Julia’s books:

  1. My Name is Tommie: My Story of Hydrocephalus
  2. My Name Is Malia My Story of Growing Up with a Brother With Special Needs

Julia’s socials:

Links referenced:

► SUBSCRIBE: https://youtube.com/deepspirituality/?sub_confirmation=1

Scriptures:

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, [21] to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21 NIV

for whatever is born of God conquers the world. And this is the victory that conquers the world, our faith. [5] Who is it that conquers the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?

1 John 5:4-5 NRSV

It is the Lord who directs your life, for each step you take is ordained by God to bring you closer to your destiny. So much of your life, then, remains a mystery!

Proverbs 20:24 TPT

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1 NASB95

When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, [20] idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, [21] envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

Galatians 5:19-21 NLT

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, [23] gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23 NIV

Don’t get upset about evil people. Don’t be jealous of those who do wrong.

Psalm 37:1 ERV

Enjoy serving the LORD, and he will give you whatever you ask for. [5] Depend on the LORD. Trust in him, and he will help you. [6] He will make it as clear as day that you are right. Everyone will see that you are being fair. [7] Trust in the LORD and wait quietly for his help. Don’t be angry when people make evil plans and succeed. [8] Don’t become so angry and upset that you, too, want to do evil.

Psalm 37:4-8 ERV

Transcription

Russ Ewell:
 Today, we’re fortunate to have a wonderful couple joining us, and we’re talking about being “built different.” Why? Because each of us leads a unique life, and “built different” is about being original—living your story at any age, through whatever experiences you have. Some things in life are easy, some are hard, but all can be managed and even conquered. 1 John chapter five says that those who believe in Jesus can, through faith, live in a way that conquers life’s challenges.

We live at a time when some of the most heroic people out there are special needs parents. I say that not just as a special needs parent myself, but in knowing so many in the community. While today’s podcast will touch on special needs parenting, our main theme is about being built different—letting God develop your life, faith, marriage, and parenting as you go, so you can grow, conquer, and thrive.

Why highlight special needs parents? Because America faces an epidemic of loneliness, and in the special needs community, this crisis is especially devastating—affecting not just parents, but anyone who works, volunteers, or provides therapies for those with special needs. For example, even though employment rates for people with disabilities have reached historic highs at 38%, that’s still just half the rate of people without disabilities. Over 4 million people with disabilities rely on supplemental security income, but none can afford an apartment anywhere in the U.S. without additional support, and 84% of those who qualify for housing assistance aren’t receiving it.

Most people think of the Special Olympics or eSports when it comes to special needs, but the day-to-day reality is far more challenging—not just for families, but for anyone in this community. Yet, many people succeed because they are “built different.” Not innately different—they have chosen, especially through faith, to let God make them resilient.

The transition to adulthood is especially difficult for special needs individuals. After age 18, supports end, and many face isolation. Forty percent of adults with debilitating disabilities or chronic illness report loneliness, almost double the national average. People with disabilities experience loneliness and social isolation much more than those without disabilities. When you meet someone devoted to this community—parent, volunteer, or professional—you can learn a lot from them.

We’re not here just to talk about special needs; we’re here because these people demonstrate something we all need: the ability, with God, to live well no matter what life brings. Today, I’m welcoming Ben and Julia Murray, who are joining us to share their thoughts on what it means to be built different. Welcome, Ben and Julia!

Ben & Julia Murray:
 Hi Russ! Thank you so much.

Russ Ewell:
 Absolutely. Often, when people talk about special needs families, the focus is on the kids, but of course, you were people before you had kids. You existed as yourselves first. Can you share a bit about where you both come from and how you met? We can go one step at a time. I know, for example, Ben—you went to Northwestern, right?

Ben & Julia Murray:
 That’s correct. I went to Northwestern, a Big Ten school.

Russ Ewell:
 Northwestern is, in my opinion, the best school in the Big Ten academically. Honestly, it’s competitive with the Ivy Leagues and Stanford. So you’re a brilliant guy—just wanted to get that in there.

Ben & Julia Murray:
 Thank you, Russ! I also went to Michigan for grad school, which I know you love. So undergrad at Northwestern, grad school at Michigan.

Russ Ewell:
 Wait, I didn’t know that! Now we’re really talking. Those are two big checks that must have been written!

Ben & Julia Murray:
 Yes, definitely two large investments. No full rides, unfortunately.

Russ Ewell:
 The full-ride scholarship thing is overrated, trust me. Did you both grow up in Illinois?

Ben & Julia Murray:
 I was born and raised in Chicago and attended Chicago public schools. I was fortunate to grow up with both my parents—my father was a chemical engineer, and my mother was a registered nurse—and two brothers. We had what felt like a normal childhood in Chicago: church, Boy Scouts, and a supportive family environment.

Russ Ewell:
 Really? You sound like the Huxtables before the Huxtables—except your story kept going in a good direction. It’s great to hear about a stable family, even if no one has a “perfect” life.

Ben & Julia Murray:
 I’m giving you the sanitized version! Nobody’s family is perfect.

Russ Ewell:
 Absolutely. So, Julia, are you from the Midwest too?

Ben & Julia Murray:
 No, I was born and raised in the Bay Area. My parents are immigrants from Panama. My older brother was born there, and the rest of us were born in California. My dad served in the army and my mom was a homemaker. There were five of us, and I’m the only girl—right in the middle! My parents were married a long time and really emphasized education: get a good job, start a family. For high school, I chose to attend an all-girls Catholic school, Holy Names in Oakland, and then I went to Diablo Valley College before transferring to UC Santa Barbara. I thought I wanted to study psychology, but switched to liberal arts and graduated from there.

Russ Ewell:
 That’s awesome. Santa Barbara sounds like living the dream! Ben and I were both up in the snow while you were at the beach.

Ben & Julia Murray:
 Right? Southern California was sunny and wonderful, while you guys dealt with snow.

Russ Ewell:
 I’ve always wanted to go to Santa Barbara, I’ve heard it’s beautiful. There’s a scripture in Proverbs 20:24: “It is the Lord who directs your life; each step you take is ordained by God to bring you closer to your destiny. So much of your life remains a mystery.” When I talk about being built different, it’s clear—God shapes us from the very beginning. And I get the sense you two can see that in your own story. Maybe tell us a little about how you became a family—whatever you’d like to share about how God brought you together.

Ben & Julia Murray:
 That scripture really resonates with us. In 1995, both Ben and I were married to different people, and—amazingly—our sons, Alex and Tommy, were born the same year, same month, just one day apart, at the same hospital. Both of us had C-sections. We only discovered this years later, when the boys were around 10 and we were already dating.

Russ Ewell:
 You’re kidding! Ben, did you have a C-section too? Just keeping it light! So both moms had C-sections and both your boys were born at nearly the same time and place—that’s incredible.

Ben & Julia Murray:
 Exactly. Both of our sons have special needs, and we realized in hindsight that God really was directing our paths, even when we had no idea. We first actually met at a church parent support group for special needs parents in San Ramon. During a break, I tried to say hello to Julia—but she was a bit standoffish, honestly, and doesn’t even remember that meeting. So sometimes, in relationships, it definitely isn’t love at first sight! Eventually, after a few years and lots of patience, we got together, and now we’re coming up on 20 years of marriage. It took time for things to develop, but God was at work the entire way.

Russ Ewell:
 For our listeners who may not know, Ben and Julia are part of the Bay Area Christian Church. When they mention “the church,” they’re referring to BACC, which offers a lot of support to special needs families. If you’re listening from elsewhere, check out their resources at bacc.cc.

What I find so inspiring is how, as people of faith, you’ve both had to navigate big life changes—many out of your control. You were each married previously and are now married to each other. That can be hard for some to process, but it’s an important lesson: not everything in life is within our control. One of my own struggles has been the illusion that I can control every outcome, when in reality, life is often about surrender—trusting God to guide us, even when things unfold differently than we imagined as kids.

That’s what I think makes you “built different.” You’ve both learned to embrace God’s plan, to let go of control, and to say yes to new directions. Sometimes it takes overcoming doubts or old patterns—like when Julia first met Ben and wasn’t interested because of his Midwest background. My wife Gail and I had a similar story: we weren’t interested in each other at first, but over time, friendship became something more.

I think a lot of people are frustrated by dating, both in and out of the church. People feel like they can’t find “the one,” or that God’s plan couldn’t possibly include the people right in front of them. But so often, it turns out that what (and who) we need is already in our lives, even if we don’t recognize it right away.

Let’s jump forward. You got married—how old were your kids at the time?

Ben & Julia Murray:
 When we got married and woke up the next day, we instantly had four kids between us—that was a shock to the system! The honeymoon lasted about four days because the kids were split between parents for a bit, but then real life began. We didn’t really have a proper honeymoon until years later.

Nathaniel and Malia were about 15 or 16, and Tommy and Alex were both 10. Blending families was a challenge: we had two neurotypical children and two with special needs, boys all sharing a room, and Malia in a den-turned-bedroom, while we slept on a futon. The apartment was tight, but we made it work.

Russ Ewell:
 That’s incredible. I’m interested in how faith factored in during those early years. It’s important for our listeners to hear not just principles but stories they can relate to, and yours is a powerful example. How did faith help you through the challenges of blending your family?

Ben & Julia Murray:
 Faith was—and is—continuous. We can’t pinpoint a start, and hope never to see the end. Faith is what holds us together and gets us through. We take it one day at a time, relying on God’s grace and the conviction that, as long as we stay in God’s flow—even through difficult times—He’ll guide us through everything.

That means daily spiritual practices, like reading the Bible and prayer, and teaching those values to our kids. For us, teamwork and friends have been essential.

Julia Murray:
 Teamwork is huge for us. Once you’re married, you really discover each other. Ben’s strength is patience—sometimes more than I can manage—while mine is organizing and bringing people together. Growing up, my family was always hosting and connecting with others. Over the years, we’ve learned that combining Ben’s steady patience and my organization is what gets us through the chaos—together.

Russ Ewell:
 Wow, talk about that for a minute.

Ben & Julia Murray:
 Growing up, I wasn’t used to having an open house or lots of guests. But Julia is always inviting people over—she loves opening our home. I’ve had to adjust to that, and it’s really become a part of our family culture. For us, this is where faith comes in: trusting that God is working through these moments, even if they’re outside our comfort zone.

Another essential factor has been friendships—our prayer partners. I couldn’t do life without my spiritual friends; they make all the difference.

Russ Ewell:
 For those listening, many of you have some form of spiritual support in your faith communities—maybe a couple of friends or a group that helps you grow and keeps you spiritually strong. At BACC, we call those prayer partners. They’re friends who deeply invest in your spiritual life—sometimes called “discipling” or “spiritual mentorship.” Unfortunately, not everyone understands the value of this, but it’s powerful.

I think you hit on something crucial for special needs families. If the parents don’t intentionally build relationships, their children can easily become isolated. Making your home a welcoming place is key—not just for you, but for your kids’ friendships, too. Can you say more about how this has shaped your children’s ability to build relationships?

Ben & Julia Murray:
 It isn’t perfect—it’s often messy. For example, Alex, who is on the autism spectrum, prefers to be alone. Even with a full house, he’ll join for a while, then retreat to his room, and that’s okay. We try to encourage social interaction by inviting him to play games like Uno or join movie nights. Sometimes it’s a lot of coaxing, and there are times when I’m tired and ready to go to my own room, too, but we make the effort for their sake.

Honestly, we don’t always think about the long-term benefits, but we’re helping them learn how to connect—and that’s vital.

Russ Ewell:
 That’s so important. Many children with autism, or kids with other neurodiverse or learning challenges, face social limits—often due to sensory issues or unfamiliar social dynamics. That’s why intentional training and support from both parents and peers is crucial.

No matter what kind of child you have—neurotypical or neurodiverse—you can’t just rely on outside programs or youth ministries to teach your kids social skills. Parents need to open their homes and create those opportunities. I grew up visiting several homes where the parents welcomed me in, and those relationships still carry forward decades later.

This is something all parents should consider: By welcoming people into your home, you’re building a network that will benefit your kids for years to come.

Ben & Julia Murray:
 Absolutely.

Russ Ewell:
 Most kids can’t just instantly make friends at a big school or walk into a new group with total confidence. Only a lucky few find it easy. But when you create a welcoming home, you cement those early relationships and memories, which can last a lifetime.

Ben, how did you adjust from not being part of a super-social home to embracing that environment? Especially with your engineering background, did it take some getting used to?

Ben & Julia Murray:
 As a special needs parent, I’ve learned from neurotypical families that sometimes behaviors I used to attribute to autism are actually just normal quirks. Things like long hot showers, wearing shorts in cold weather, or being anxious in crowds—I thought these were autism-related, but friends tell me their neurotypical kids do the same. It’s helped me realize that sometimes I just need to relax and let my kids be themselves. Not everything is special needs; sometimes it’s just personality.

Russ Ewell:
 I love that you brought that up. It’s one reason I didn’t want this podcast to be about “special needs parenting” alone. It’s about Ben and Julia Murray who, in my opinion, have always been built different—not just because of faith, but because of who you are and how you were raised. Your parents must be proud of you, and what you’ve built with your family. What you’re describing is a life powered by faith—a conviction in things you can’t see or predict. Hebrews 11 says faith is the conviction of things not seen.

It’s easy to think marriage and family are all about the honeymoon, but really, marriage is the game—and you’ve played it well, with just a few days of honeymoon and twenty years of partnership.

Ben & Julia Murray:
 Yes! Sometimes our community—church friends or others—help us see possibilities for our kids that we might be too afraid to hope for. For example, both of our children becoming baptized disciples was a vision given to us by friends like Mike and Becky Greathouse, who’ve been instrumental in our spiritual journey for over twenty years. Mike even encouraged me to ask Julia out on our first date. Our friends have given us fresh hope and helped our kids learn how to interact and cooperate with others—huge life lessons.

Julia Murray:
 Absolutely. We held onto the faith of Mike and Becky for years, especially for our kids. They believed in our sons even when we couldn’t see what was possible. They encouraged us consistently—not just with words, but by mentoring and caring deeply until their vision became ours.

Russ Ewell:
 You’ve known the Greathouses since before you were even married?

Julia Murray:
 Yes, I met Becky back around 2000, when I first became a disciple. That longtime friendship has shaped our family.

Russ Ewell:
 I’m noticing two major themes weaving through your lives: deep faith in God, and lasting relationships. Sometimes faith starts with our parents or our community believing in us, building up our imagination and hope. Ephesians 3 says God can do far more than we ask or imagine.

Relationships are also central—whether you call them prayer partners, mentors, or close friends, you’re talking about connections that last for decades. Don’t rely on organizational structures alone to pick your friends; be intentional and build these enduring ties yourself.

Honestly, there’s a joy and resilience in you two—a kind of Holy Spirit strength. Ben, you have a “superpower” of patience—maybe it comes from your engineering background, where you learn that solutions take time, and persistent effort. Julia, you have a joy and warmth that makes people want to be around you, bringing relaxation to the home.

For our listeners: don’t think, “I could never do what these two have done.” You can. Sometimes it’s about choosing faith and resilience, not letting setbacks or past fears limit you.

You both powerfully embody the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:23)—qualities that help you thrive and inspire others. Let’s keep going.

Ben & Julia Murray:
 Russ, I’m starting to have fun—I’m not nervous anymore.

Russ Ewell:
 That’s my job! Let me share a scripture that reminds me of you, special needs families, and really all of us. Psalm 37 says:
“Don’t get upset about evil people. Don’t be jealous of those who do wrong.”
One of the challenges for special needs parents is the temptation to wish for a typical life—not because your own is bad, but because the other seems easier. Speaking honestly, there are nights I worry over every little thing—managing health, monitoring even a sneeze, especially through the COVID pandemic, knowing my son’s vulnerability. Sometimes you look at others and think, “They don’t have to worry about this.” I don’t think those people are evil—they’re just living their own lives.
I pray almost every day not to envy the comfortable life. I’d love for you to speak to that mindset, not just for special needs parents, but all parents—since we all compare our lives sometimes.

Ben & Julia Murray:
 That’s a tough question. It’s not really about jealousy, but the reality that you love your life and family even while seeing others have it easier. There’s always some complexity when you see someone else’s path as simpler.

Russ Ewell:
 Exactly—and it’s a heavy question. We love our lives, but there’s always someone who seems to have it easier. When I was a kid at field day, there was always someone who made everything look effortless. Eventually I realized you have to enjoy your life, and also enjoy and appreciate someone else being good at what they do, without bitterness.

That’s part of being a special needs parent, or frankly any parent: realizing your life is meaningful, and so is your neighbor’s, even if theirs looks different or easier. Sometimes the answer isn’t to ask, “Why don’t I have their life?” but to learn how to enjoy the life you’ve been given, and also enjoy theirs.

Does that view resonate with you?

Ben & Julia Murray:
 Absolutely—it really is true for everybody. I’m happy with my life and I’m genuinely happy when other people find success. I cheer for them—”That’s my friend!”—and I’m grateful for my wife, my kids, and waking up in a quiet, safe house. No one’s on oxygen, everyone’s healthy, and I can count more than 30 blessings before getting out of bed. I’m thankful for what I have and for the ways others are blessed too.

Julia Murray:
 I completely agree. For me, it’s about gratitude. Now that we’re retired, when the boys leave for their programs, we can sit together with coffee, talk, and pray. I always go back to 1995, that hospital story—it reminds me that God knows what He’s doing, even when we don’t. When the boys regress, or things don’t go as planned, it can be disappointing, but we have to remember this is the life God gave us. Other people might say, “I don’t know how you do it,” but God gave this to us for a reason—He knows we can handle it.

There are hard moments. We stumble, get discouraged, go to our separate corners—but we always get back up and keep going. That’s how we work. Who else is going to do it if we don’t?

Russ Ewell:
 It sounds just like my own house! What you described is what every parent can relate to—not just special needs parents. Whether your kid has a challenge or not, or even if you have a 30-year-old living at home, the mindset you framed—gratitude and persistence—can help everyone. That’s something I’m trying to practice more myself.

Now that you’re retired, you’ll be a bigger part of the eLife and care community work we’re building! Thank you for being willing to help and share your talents.

Ben & Julia Murray:
 Thank you! We’re interested and excited about that. We have ideas and want to learn more—we see the need for it for our kids and others.

Russ Ewell:
 That’s great, because eLife is all about helping those with special needs live exceptional quality lives throughout their entire adulthood. Our goal is to build care communities—actual places where adults with special needs can live alongside caring seniors, college students, and others in supportive, inclusive homes. We hope to create both care communities and a “care force”—trained helpers who are familiar with sensory challenges, ADHD, and neurodiversity.

Money will be a challenge, but America needs this, with 1 in 31 children now being diagnosed with autism. I know, Julia, that you’re also a writer. I’d love for you to share about your books and your vision for helping people communicate and connect in this space, as well as where people can find your work. Ben, I also hope you’ll help lend your organizational and technical skills to this initiative.

Julia Murray:
 Thank you. My first book is called My Name is Tommy: My Story of Hydrocephalus. I originally wrote it just for Tommy, to help him understand who he is and how he thinks—especially on tough days at school or camp. Later, I realized it could help others too, so it became a book.

My second book came from a friend’s suggestion—to write about our daughter Malia’s experience as a sibling of a brother with special needs. That became My Name is Malia: My Story Growing Up with a Brother with Special Needs. Malia helped me with it, and my goal was just to teach and show what this world is like.

Both books are meant to educate—about hydrocephalus, about special needs, and about growing up in a family like ours. I have a third book coming soon called My Name is Alex: My Story of Autism, which shares Alex’s experience. All the books are on Amazon, and I share updates on social media.

Russ Ewell:
 That’s fantastic. We’ll put links to your books in the show notes so people can easily find them. Some parents might wonder, “Why should I get Julia Murray’s book if my kid doesn’t have those challenges?” The reason is inclusion. If we want every child and adult to be included—not as exceptions, but as exceptional—it starts with education and empathy.

Let me share a story: when we adopted our youngest, my mom made sure our daughter—who isn’t Black—had plenty of books about African American history and figures, like Barack Obama. She believed you educate children early, so inclusiveness comes naturally. The same applies here: by sharing stories like yours, parents can raise children who understand and embrace differences.

Julia, I’m excited that you’ll be writing an article for Deep Spirituality on exactly this—how to teach and include all kids, starting young and starting at home. Your writing helps people see that being “built different” isn’t just about challenges—it’s about unique strengths, too.

Thank you so much, Julia and Ben, for sharing your story and wisdom. I’ve wanted to have this conversation for a long time, and it’s exceeded my expectations. I hope you’ll be even more involved as we expand the eLife and care community project—we’ll need your vision and your organizational skills.

You’re both an inspiration. Anyone listening, whatever stage you’re in—whether you’re a teen, a parent, or retired—remember that you’re built different, and God has a plan for your life, too. If you don’t believe yet, give it a try: read a few scriptures, explore, and you might find a purpose you never expected. Please subscribe, rate the podcast, and check out DeepSpirituality.com and the Chemistry Lab newsletter for more content—including Julia’s upcoming article. Thanks again to Ben & Julia Murray for joining us today!

More in

Faith, Friendship

Recommended for you