Developing Resilience: How to Make Stress Your Friend 

Happy are those who trust in the LORD, who rely on the LORD. [8] They will be like trees planted by the streams, whose roots reach down to the water. They won’t fear drought when it comes; their leaves will remain green. They won’t be stressed in the time of drought or fail to bear fruit. 

Jeremiah 17:7-8 CEB

If you fail under pressure, your strength is too small.

Proverbs 24:10 NLT

I have always struggled to handle stress and pressure.

During my second year with the San Francisco 49ers, I found out I’d be starting in our first preseason game. It was a dream come true, until the stress hit. What if I failed miserably? What if I let everybody down? Could I live up to my coach’s and teammates’ expectations? What if I couldn’t handle the pressure?

I couldn’t. I played poorly, consumed by my anxiety.  

To my surprise, I was given another shot the next week. Realizing that my strength was too small, as Proverbs 24 says, I turned to prayer and the advice of spiritual friends for help before the game. The pressure didn’t change, but my response to it did. I played well, not because the stress was gone, but because I let God help me face it.

That’s when I realized: we don’t necessarily need less stress—we need more resilience.

Stress isn’t just something to survive and manage; it’s something God can use to help us grow. Whether it comes from hardship, responsibility, or even growth and dreams, stress will come. But if we let God train our hearts to rely on him, we won’t break under pressure—we’ll thrive in the midst of stressful times, as Jeremiah 17 describes.

Why stress can be your friend

Don’t run from tests and hardships, brothers and sisters. As difficult as they are, you will ultimately find joy in them; if you embrace them, your faith will blossom under pressure and teach you true patience as you endure. And true patience brought on by endurance will equip you to complete the long journey and cross the finish line-mature, complete, and wanting nothing.

James 1:2-4 Voice

God works through the tests, hardships, and pressures of life to make our faith blossom. When we let God change the way we see stress, we can get stronger through it rather than being crushed by it.

In her famous TED Talk called “How to make stress your friend,” health psychologist Kelly McGonigal shared scientific evidence that reframing our view of stress actually makes us healthier. She shares a study where participants faced a “social stress test,” but were told to view their stress response—racing heart, faster breath—as a positive thing: their body was preparing for action.

The result? They felt more confident and less anxious. Even their blood vessels stayed relaxed, mimicking moments of courage and joy, not panic.

Here are a few positive ways the Bible teaches us to view pressure and stress:

Pressure teaches us to rely on God, who meets our needs and gives us strength.

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. [9] Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.

2 Corinthians 1:8-9 NIV

Paul’s challenges were real and intense. But instead of being crushed, he let his pain and stress drive him to a deeper reliance on God, leading to more strength and hope as a result. Like Paul, life can give us real burdens. But the stress of these burdens doesn’t have to crush us — it can drive us further into the arms of God to take care of us. 

Pressure prompts us to change our hearts.

Now I am glad-not because it caused you grief but because you were moved to make a permanent change that can happen only with the realization that your actions have gone against God-I’m glad to know you suffered no long-term loss because of what we did. …[11] Look at what is happening among you! Notice how authentic and diligent you have become because this godly sorrow has been at work in your community. But there’s more: your desire to clear your name, your righteous anger, your respect, your longing, your zeal, and your concern for justice. All these demonstrate how you have been made clean.

2 Corinthians 7:9, 11 Voice

Sometimes we feel stressed because we know we’re not where we want to be spiritually. This causes guilt, pressure, and inner discomfort (Psalm 32:3-6). These emotions are not negativity; they are the heart’s way of telling us we were made for more. That kind of stress can be good. It means we still care about our walk with God. It means God is working on us. When we stop avoiding that feeling and start listening to it, stress can become a turning point instead of a breaking point.

Pressure can motivate us to take care of others.

Besides those external things, there is the daily [inescapable] pressure of my concern for all the churches. [29] Who is weak, and I do not feel [his] weakness? Who is made to sin, and I am not on fire [with sorrow and concern]?

2 Corinthians 11:28-29 AMP

Sometimes the pressure we feel comes from our concern for others. This is also a good kind of pressure; it means that we care. Paul didn’t run from emotional responsibility—he embraced it. His love for others made him feel their pain and inspired him to act. When we care deeply about someone, stress is unavoidable, but so is impact.

Scriptures for reflection

While stress can become our friend, we still need tools to handle it. Chronic stress affects us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—so learning to manage it well is key to building the resilient strength God wants for us.

1. The Bible helps us see beyond our stress.

“The seed cast in the weeds represents the ones who hear the kingdom news but are overwhelmed with worries about all the things they have to do and all the things they want to get. The stress strangles what they heard, and nothing comes of it. [20] “But the seed planted in the good earth represents those who hear the Word, embrace it, and produce a harvest beyond their wildest dreams.” 

Mark 4:16-21 MSG

As pressure and stress bear down on me, I find joy in your commands.

Psalm 119:143 NLT

Stress can be suffocating when left unchecked. It chokes out our faith, hope, love, and connection with others.

The Bible helps us look beyond our immediate circumstances to understand the deeper causes of our stress, allowing us to change the way we think about them. In Mark 4, Jesus explains that stress often comes from being overwhelmed by worries—both about all the things we have to do and all the things we want to get.

• “All the things we have to do”: Sometimes, the real stress behind a long to-do list isn’t the list itself but the fear of what might happen if we don’t complete it. Fear of rejection or failure can drive us to put intense pressure on ourselves to get everything done.
• “All the things we want to get”: Pursuing material or physical things can also create stress, especially when that pursuit is fueled by deeper fears, like missing out or not being taken care of. God promises to provide for our needs, but when we don’t trust him to do that, we end up carrying unnecessary stress trying to provide for ourselves. 

When fears like these cloud our vision, the Bible reminds us of God’s love, power, and purpose. It shows us what’s possible, even under pressure. That’s how we find peace and joy in the middle of stress.

2. Prayer gives us the resilience to handle stress.

… God resists you when you are proud but multiplies grace and favor when you are humble. [6] If you bow low in God’s awesome presence, he will eventually exalt you as you leave the timing in his hands. [7] Pour out all your worries and stress upon him and leave them there, for he always tenderly cares for you.

1 Peter 5:5-7 TPT

Prayer is a powerful way to release the painful emotions that come with stress. It brings the confident reassurance that God cares for us, and he will carry our burdens. 

Without prayer and the spiritual strength it brings, we often turn to unhealthy places to cope with the weight of stress—numbing our feelings instead of finding healing for them.

Wine gives false courage; hard liquor leads to brawls; what fools men are to let it master them, making them reel drunkenly down the street!

Proverbs 20:1 TLB

Things that give “false courage” are things that offer quick physical relief from fear but leave us empty. This could be substance abuse or other behaviors that slowly take over our lives, like gambling, pornography, excessive spending, overindulging in food, and excessive mobile device use. These are all examples of dysfunctional sources of false courage.

Prayer is different. It’s where we offload our stress and reconnect with God, who cares about each of our worries. Instead of being alone in our thoughts, we find peace, perspective, and the strength to move forward.

3. Spiritual friendships provide the courage to withstand stress.

Anxious fear brings depression, but a life-giving word of encouragement can do wonders to restore joy to the heart.

Proverbs 12:25 TPT

One of the most powerful sources of strength in stressful times is encouragement from spiritual friends. To handle stress in a healthy way, we must learn to understand what type of encouragement or feedback we need most in each situation. In the book Thanks for the Feedback, Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen discuss three types of feedback and their distinct functions:

• Appreciation motivates and encourages us.
• Coaching helps us improve.
• Evaluation provides clarity on where we stand and what’s expected of us. 

We need all of these from our friends, especially under pressure. When we’re stressed, feedback isn’t always the first thing we want to hear. But the Bible reminds us that honest, life-giving words from friends can bring clarity, courage, and peace. The more humble and honest we are, the more support we’ll be able to receive.

4. Caring for others reduces stress.

Can you bridle your tongue when your heart is under pressure? That’s how you show that you are wise. An understanding heart keeps you cool, calm, and collected, no matter what you’re facing.

Proverbs 17:27 TPT

An understanding heart keeps us calm under pressure. To be “understanding” is to be sympathetic toward and aware of other people’s feelings, which means that thinking about and caring for someone else is a great way to reduce stress. 

Neuroscience backs up this biblical truth. When we are under stress, our bodies create the neurochemical oxytocin, which pushes us to connect with others. The more we connect with others—either to get support ourselves or give it to someone else—the more oxytocin our bodies will release. This has an anti-inflammatory effect, protecting the cardiovascular system from the effects of stress. 

Helping others doesn’t just feel good—it’s good for our health. Caring and connecting in stressful times creates resilience.

As we learn to manage stress with God, we become a calming presence for others—and that strength keeps us steady, even under pressure.

Get started on your journey

“How you think and how you act can transform your experience of stress. When you choose to view your stress response as helpful, you create the biology of courage. And when you choose to connect with others under stress, you can create resilience.”

Kelly McGonigal

Living a life of resilience comes from consistent practices of healthy spiritual habits. We can apply spiritual concepts to the tips from this TedEd video to learn how to manage stress more easily throughout each day.

1. Exercise! — God says to love him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30). Part of loving God with all our strength is keeping our bodies active, which is also a well-known way of managing stress. Go on prayer walks or do something active with friends to help reduce and release stress in your body and make your brain more resilient to stress.
2. Get consistent quality time with friends. — God created us to connect. When we don’t get daily time with each other, we get deceived by sin and overwhelmed by doubt (Hebrews 3:12-13). Boost your oxytocin by getting one-on-one time with friends to let down, be honest, and find ways to move forward with courage together.
3. Stay centered with spiritual mindfulness practices. — Staying present with God helps us have peace even in the midst of stressful situations (Philippians 4:6-7). Taking deep breaths, meditating on a scripture, getting out into nature, praying to get perspective, and journaling to understand your sins, thoughts, and feelings are all things that can help lower your stress responses to pressure.