I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all.

Joni Mitchell, “Both Sides Now”

Decades ago, standing lakeside in New England, a struggle in prayer placed a crack in my emotional armor. Discouraged, confused, and on the brink of disillusionment, the only clarity I had was that I didn’t know life nearly as well as I had believed. 

This was a moment of existential crisis for me. Life had given me questions for which nothing in my past provided answers—despite all the books I had read, human advice I had taken, speeches I had heard, and sermons I had listened to.

Brokenness was emerging. I felt a deep sense of aloneness accompanied by the feeling that this period of suffering was too much to endure, much like the apostle Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 1:

We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. [9] In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.

2 Corinthians 1:8-9 NLT

My discouragement and pain led me to a similar conclusion as Paul in these verses. Difficult as this moment was, it opened my mind to the reality that—despite being a Christian—life would disrupt, derail, and leave me in despair just like anyone else. I hated standing in prayer questioning and doubting the path God had me on and the people he had called me to trust. Not only did this disorienting moment show me that I didn’t know life, but I also didn’t really know God. 

There is a powerlessness in not knowing something, especially for those of us who love control. At the time, God frustrated me. He responded to my prayers of desperation with questions instead of answers. How did I get to this point of spiritual crisis? Why was I more concerned about the opinion of people instead of God? What did I want from life? Who did I believe God chose me to be? Where did all this fear come from? My response to these questions was a desperate plea to God for this all to be over.

Left to myself, I would have remained in a state of despair. But friends stepped in, helping me stay focused on God as I navigated this spiritual crisis. They helped me see that God was training and preparing me for the future, and my response must be to embrace his will, accept his love, and trust his work within me. 

Through this experience—and many others like it—the power of relationships to transcend despair became evident. These transcendent relationships of love are powerful not because they provide answers, but because friends walk alongside us, sharing the pain, understanding the confusion, and descending with us into the depths of despair, so we are never alone in our walk with God. This is the power of relationship, and it flows from the gospel.

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The gospel is a message of relationships  

The power of the gospel is in its message of relationships. This is what Jesus came to show us:

But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees with his reply, they met together to question him again. [35] One of them, an expert in religious law, tried to trap him with this question: [36] “Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?” [37] Jesus replied, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ [38] This is the first and greatest commandment. [39] A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.‘ [40] The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22:34-40 NLT

Despite the frequency with which Jesus teaches about love, I find that the Bible’s message of relationships is surprisingly easy for us as humans to miss. Instead, we too often turn the message of the Bible into a set of expectations, behaviors, or rules to live by. When we do that, our experience of Christianity becomes powerless (Colossians 2:23) and burdensome (Matthew 23:4). We become like the Pharisees in Matthew 22 — asking about what rules to follow, while forgetting what matters more than any law: loving relationships with God and each other.

While the Bible contains incredible wisdom that will improve our lives, it is ultimately an invitation to know God. As we experience the love of God in our own lives, it begins to overflow into the way we treat others.

What follows in this series is a total change in the way we think about Christianity. Jesus is more than a teacher or a leader; he is the ultimate relationship builder. He wrestled with his humanity and sympathizes with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15-16). As a result, he can show us how to overcome the obstacles that prevent us from experiencing the loving connections we need. 

Reflect and answer these questions before continuing:

  • What have difficult times shown you about your friendships?
  • Describe a time when you struggled in prayer.
  • What type of questions did this struggle surface?
  • Did you struggle alone with God or find friends to walk with you?

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The Power of Relationships 4

As the editor in chief for Deep Spirituality, Russ Ewell writes, teaches, and innovates with his eyes on the future. His teaching is rooted in providing hope for those turned off by tradition and infused with vision for building a transformative church. His passion to inspire even the most skeptical to view God through fresh eyes can be found in his book, He's Not Who You Think He Is: Dropping Your Assumptions and Discovering God for Yourself.

The Power of Relationships 5

As the editor in chief for Deep Spirituality, Russ Ewell writes, teaches, and innovates with his eyes on the future. His teaching is rooted in providing hope for those turned off by tradition and infused with vision for building a transformative church. His passion to inspire even the most skeptical to view God through fresh eyes can be found in his book, He's Not Who You Think He Is: Dropping Your Assumptions and Discovering God for Yourself.

Our first book is officially live.

Rebuild your relationship from the ground up with He's Not Who You Think He Is: Dropping Your Assumptions and Discovering God for Yourself.

The Power of Relationships 6