Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” [37] He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. [38] Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

Matthew 26:36-38 NIV

In the most overwhelming moment of his life, Jesus saw relationships as a solution. His friends couldn’t take away his pain or even respond perfectly in his time of need (in fact, they fell asleep). Despite all this, Jesus knew that vulnerability with God and friends would lighten his load rather than making it heavier.

Unfortunately, many of us do not feel this way about relationships. Almost half of adults in the US and more than half of college students believe that making friends is difficult. The reasons for this are many and varied, but ultimately I believe that intimate friendships require things that aren’t easy for us—like humility and selflessness (Philippians 2:3-4), patience (1 Corinthians 13:4), forgiveness (Colossians 3:13), and courage (1 John 4:19-20). Faced with our human weaknesses in these areas, the idea of building deep friendships can appear more stressful than it is refreshing.

While we may view relationships as burdens or stressors, Jesus offers a radically different perspective. He saw relationships as a gift from God; when his life was stressful, relationships were the solution rather than the problem. For Jesus, relationships were helpful, beneficial, and essential for overcoming challenges on the journey to fulfill God’s purpose for his life.

Let’s learn three lessons from Jesus and his friends so that we can see relationships as a solution rather than a problem.

Jesus saw his disciples as more than followers.

Jesus went up on a mountainside and called to him those he wanted, and they came to him. [14] He appointed twelve that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach [15] and to have authority to drive out demons.

Mark 3:13-15 NIV

When Jesus selected the apostles in Mark 3:13-14, he was doing more than teaching or delegating. He was creating a support system—for them and for himself. In choosing the twelve, he emphasized relationships by selecting “those he wanted” to “be with him.” Jesus, believed by Christians to be God in human form, demonstrated that even in this divine state, he experienced the human need for companionship and support.

Jesus shared God’s purpose with his disciples.

One of the underestimated aspects of relationship is the importance of a shared purpose. Jesus wanted a relationship with each of the twelve, and part of the relationship was sharing the purpose God had given him. This is why Mark 3:14 explains another aspect of his call to his disciples was, “that he might send them out to preach.” 

Relationships with a shared purpose are built to last. The disciples, despite their relational issues, problems, and sins toward each other (see Mark 10:35-45), stayed close friends and built one of the most loving communities the world had ever seen:

All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper), and to prayer. [43] A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. [44] And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. [45] They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. [46] They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity- [47] all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved.

Acts 2:42-47 NLT

Relationships that are built on shared purpose grow beyond mere likeability and reliability into a depth that exceeds anything human effort alone can accomplish. This happens because they place God at the center and share the common purpose of making him known (John 1:18 NIV).

Jesus reframed relationships.

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. [16] You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. [17] This is my command: Love each other.

John 15:15-17 NIV

Jesus, despite being divine, chose not to “go it alone.” This powerful example reminds us that no one, no matter how capable or self-sufficient they may seem, can truly thrive in isolation. We must all see relationships as the solution, not the problem.