“I’ve never found anybody that didn’t want to help me if I asked them for help…. I called up Bill Hewlett when I was 12 years old. ‘Hi, I’m Steve Jobs. I’m 12 years old. I’m a student in high school. I want to build a frequency counter, and I was wondering if you have any spare parts I could have.’ He laughed, and he gave me the spare parts, and he gave me a job that summer at Hewlett-Packard … I’ve always found something to be very true, which is most people don’t get those experiences because they never ask.”

Steve Jobs

How easily can you ask for what you want or need? 

For those of us writing this article, asking for help is a big challenge. Our fears of failure, rejection, and disappointment keep us quiet and hold us back from making requests of God and other people. Unfortunately, as Steve Jobs expressed, when we don’t ask, we end up missing out.

Luckily, no matter how scared we might be, God can give us the courage to find our voice.

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. [10] For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

 Luke 11:9-10 NIV

God wants us to ask for things; it’s part of his plan that we will make bold requests of him. He loves to give us good things (Luke 11:11-13), and our requests are part of his bigger plan of making his goodness, justice, and love known to each of us and to the world. Spiritual self-advocacy isn’t about getting things for ourselves—it’s about understanding God, understanding our needs, and understanding our role in God’s bigger plan.

This is our journey to finding our voice, and we hope it helps you find yours. 

How does God equip us to find our voice? 

The first step to finding our voice is believing that God wants to hear it.

God saw the sons of Israel, and God took notice [of them] and was concerned about them [knowing all, understanding all, remembering all].

Exodus 2:25 AMP

God is an advocate, and he wants to help us. This is what gives us the confidence to ask for what we need. When we ask him to move on our behalf, we are revealing our faith in his power and love. 

Yet we have the same spirit of faith as he had, who wrote in Scripture, “I BELIEVED, THEREFORE I SPOKE.” We also believe, therefore we also speak.

2 Corinthians 4:13 AMP

Speaking up for ourselves is a matter of faith. It isn’t just a nice thing to do, but an essential part of believing in and walking with God.

If we don’t ask God for help with what we need and want, it’s a sign that we don’t believe God has either the power or care to come through for us. Sometimes, when we’ve been through discouragement, disappointment, hurt, or hardship, we give up on praying for the things we need and hope for. We might think we’ve asked for help too many times, only to be left with nothing. It’s not going to go anywhere, or no one will listen to us. 

Jesus has a parable for those of us who need the faith to keep on asking:

Now he told them a parable on the need for them to pray always and not give up. [2] “There was a judge in a certain town who didn’t fear God or respect people. [3] And a widow in that town kept coming to him, saying, ‘Give me justice against my adversary.’ [4] “For a while he was unwilling, but later he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or respect people, [5] yet because this widow keeps pestering me, I will give her justice, so that she doesn’t wear me out by her persistent coming.'” [6] Then the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. [7] Will not God grant justice to his elect who cry out to him day and night? Will he delay helping them? [8] I tell you that he will swiftly grant them justice. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?”

Luke 18:1-8 CSB

If even an unjust person will eventually grant us justice, how much more readily will God act on our behalf? As we persist in petitioning God, he hears our voices and responds. We just need to keep on asking. 

Believing that God advocates for us and wants to bring justice into the world empowers us to find our voice with people. As we walk with God and let his Word influence our hearts, we will start to want the same things he wants—like justice, as this story describes. The woman in the story was not asking for revenge or malice, but justice, which is something God loves (Psalm 37:28). When we are asking for things that align with God’s desires, we will be confident about voicing our requests (1 John 5:14).

Let’s look at some practical and spiritual ways to find the words to say when we need to speak up.

What can I do to find my voice?

1. Know myself.

We can’t communicate our point of view to other people if we don’t understand it ourselves. Luckily, God understands us and can help us understand ourselves:

You know everything I do; from far away you understand all my thoughts. [3] You see me, whether I am working or resting; you know all my actions. [4] Even before I speak, you already know what I will say.

Psalm 139:2-4 GNT

God understands not only what we think, but also why we think it. It’s essential that we let God teach us about ourselves before we try to communicate our thoughts to other people. If we don’t, we won’t be able to voice the truths that we really need to voice. We will end up feeling misunderstood, angry, or walked over. 

For example, if a doctor recommends a certain medical treatment, and we don’t agree, we need to understand why so that we can communicate effectively. Are we afraid? Are we proudly thinking we know better than the doctor? Do we not think we can really manage the treatment? Are we in denial? Or do we have a different idea that might work better? 

God reveals the answers to these questions when we read his Word because his Word makes us self-aware. We all have sins, emotions, and thought patterns that influence the way we see situations. Once we can see situations in the light of God’s Word, we will have more clarity on what our actual needs are so that we can ask for help with them. 

2. Know my needs. 

I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!

Isaiah 65:24 NLT

God knows and cares about all our needs, but do we? We can’t talk to him or others about our needs if we don’t admit we have them. This is true in every setting—at our jobs/schools, with our health, in our friendships and families, and even in our relationship with God. 

God calls us to acknowledge, accept, and embrace our needs:

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. [10] That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NLT

God’s power works best when we are weak, so our limitations don’t have to hold us back. In fact, they can empower us to grow, but we do need to take responsibility for them so that we can communicate them to those around us. This means not suppressing them, ignoring them, or waiting for other people to meet them for us. 

3. Know my worth.

Fear is one of the biggest obstacles to speaking up. What if we’re wrong? What if people get mad at us? What if we look weak?

This is where we need to know our worth. Our value does not come from our abilities, our achievements, or others’ approval, but from God:

My salvation and my significance depend ultimately on God; the core of my strength, my shelter, is in the True God.

Psalm 62:7 Voice

When God is the source of our strength and significance, we can be confident to speak up without fear of failing or doing it wrong. Even if others don’t react as we hoped, God will stick with us and guide us through it. If we are wrong, God can help us learn from our mistakes. 

This belief that our worth comes from God emboldens us to speak up for what we need and want, knowing he’ll stick with us every step of the way. Nehemiah was a person in the Bible who learned to advocate for himself and his people, and he spoke up even though he was afraid:

… So the king asked me, “Are you sick? Why do you look sad? I think your heart is full of sadness.” Then I was very afraid. [3] But even though I was afraid, I said to the king, “May the king live forever! I am sad because the city where my ancestors are buried lies in ruins, and the gates of that city have been destroyed by fire.” [4] Then the king said to me, “What do you want me to do?” Before I answered, I prayed to the God of heaven. [5] Then I answered the king … 

Nehemiah 2:2-5 ERV

Even though he was afraid, Nehemiah spoke up to the king about what he needed. The key to this courage is in verse 4: before he answered, he prayed. When we feel afraid to speak up for our needs, we too can pray and ask God to give us courage as we enter conversations. 

4. Know my strengths 

… we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. [16] He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.

Ephesians 4:15-16 NLT

God gave each of us a “special work” to do to help others grow. When we understand our strengths and believe that we play a special and important role in helping others grow, we will find the confidence to advocate for our perspective. 

For example, imagine that time management comes naturally to you, and you have a good friend who is always late. It hurts your feelings, but you’re scared of conflict, and you know they feel bad, so you don’t say anything. All the while, your resentment grows with every missed appointment.

Knowing our strengths gives us the confidence to speak up about things like this out of love, because we understand that God designed each of us differently, and we are supposed to help our friends grow. Rather than simmering in anger, hurt, or frustration, we can recognize that we have something to offer. We can express the truth about how the situation makes us feel and ask how we can help. 

Knowing our strengths also allows us to advocate for ourselves in a way that works best for us. For example, even if we consider ourselves reserved and quiet, we can still speak up, though “speaking up” might look different for us than it does for someone more extroverted. Maybe one of our strengths is kindness or thoughtfulness—we can use that to speak up, by speaking gently to the person we are addressing. This is one way we can “do our own special work” as Ephesians 4 describes, using our strengths to advocate and help others grow.

5. Know my purpose 

When we are afraid to advocate for something, one of the best things we can do is remember that we are not only advocating for ourselves. Spiritual advocacy is always about making God known by asking for his goodness, kindness, and justice in our lives and other people’s. This benefits everyone in the world: 

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. [9] Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.

Proverbs 31:8-9 NLT

And every time we practice speaking up for ourselves, we strengthen the muscle of “ensuring justice,” which will empower us to speak up for other people when they need it. 

Our love for other people will mirror our love for ourselves (Mark 12:33). So if we tell ourselves that our needs don’t matter and we shouldn’t express them, we will ultimately feel the same way about other people. We will lose our ability to be compassionate about other people’s needs because we are suppressing and ignoring our own. 

Love is one of the best antidotes to fear (1 John 4:18, 2 Timothy 1:7). God equips us to find our voice by reminding us that we have a greater purpose than ourselves, and every time we advocate for justice, we are doing good not only for ourselves but for other people who might find themselves in the same situation. 

Questions for reflection 

1. How easily do I advocate for myself and ask God for help?
2. What areas of my life need advocating?
3. Which spiritual area do I need to grow in: knowing myself, knowing my needs, knowing my worth, knowing my strengths, or knowing my purpose?

Next steps toward finding your voice

1. Write down what your needs are in these areas of your life that apply. Share them with a family member or friend and ask if there’s anything they’d add and if they have any advice about how to communicate these needs:
   1. Job/school
   2. Family
   3. Friendships
   4. Finances
   5. Disabilities
   6. Mental health
   7. Physical health
   8. Walk with God
2. Write down what your strengths are. How might these be useful to those around you? How can you use these to advocate for yourself? Take our quiz What Are My Spiritual Gifts, and How Can I Use Them for Good? if you need something to pull from.
3. Do Bible studies on people who spoke up in the Bible. Hannah, Esther, David, and Nehemiah are great examples. Read their stories and write down what you learned about how they found the courage to advocate for themselves and for God.